Post 9: From Home State to SoCal – Why We Each Made the Move

DCW
Apr 25
6 min read

Moving states is a big decision—so why did we do it? We each had our own reasons and for this blog it might be easiest to break it down by person. Daniel, Caleb, and Will all moved from different places leading them to Southern California. We will do Will's 40th bday next week, we promise. 😅

Where We Started

Daniel – Reno, NV

Grew up in the biggest little city in the world—basically a mini Vegas but with the perks of being close to Lake Tahoe. Daniel had a good life in Reno: a job at Wells Fargo, a boyfriend, and a great circle of friends. It had everything… except good weather. The snow was the one thing he couldn’t stand. It wasn’t just the inconvenience—it was a full seasonal dread. Eventually, his boyfriend at the time said, "Heck with it, let’s go," and Daniel said yes.

Caleb – Lubbock, TX

If you know anything about West Texas, it’s all churches, Walmarts, and endless flat land. Caleb was working at Chick-Fil-A in Lubbock but deep down, he knew that wasn’t going to cut it long-term. So he made a bold choice: he signed up for the Navy. At the time, San Diego wasn’t even

on his radar. After boot camp, he got his orders—and just like that, his new life in SoCal began.

Will – Brookings, SD

Will was in college at SDSU, working as a shift manager at Perkins, and hanging out with a tight circle of friends when life quite literally hit him like a train. After getting hit by a train during a blurry six-month stretch, he realized life was short. He wasn’t even born in South Dakota—he moved there after growing up in St. Cloud, MN—but something about the West Coast had always called to him. That accident became a wake-up call, and when a friend mentioned moving to San Diego, Will didn’t even hesitate.

Why Southern California?

For Daniel and Will, the draw was simple: no more snow, scraping windows, and cold weather. They both hate being cold and even still complain about the weather in SoCal. The only place they both seem truly happy temperature-wise? Somewhere tropical—but that’s another blog. 😉

The LGBTQ+ community also played a huge role. Caleb didn’t know much about queer community spaces before coming here, and neither did Will. Coming out in South Dakota, Will felt like the only gay person for miles. But after stepping into Hillcrest in San Diego for the first time, everything changed. It was colorful, vibrant, and full of people living authentically. Daniel didn’t come here to party or explore the scene—he was already in a relationship—but the ability to build a life without judgment? That was priceless.

What pushed us to finally make the move?

For Daniel, it was a combination of being ready to leave Reno, his best friend from high school relocating to San Diego, and memories of visiting his dad in SoCal. Caleb didn’t have a say—orders are orders. Will was recovering from a gnarly concussion when his South Dakota friend suggested San Diego, and that was all he needed to hear.

The Reality of Moving

The hardest part? Leaving people you love behind. Friends, family—people who didn’t always understand why we would choose California. But you can’t live your life for someone else’s expectations. You have to go where you feel most alive.

Then there was the sticker shock. Will had been paying $600 total for a full house on a lake, complete with a dock. His portion of rent in San Diego? A major upgrade in price with no water view. Life down here came at a cost—but it also came with freedom and a chance to live authentically, which none of us had fully experienced before.

Adjusting to the SoCal pace took time. Life here never slows down. You’re either hustling or falling behind. It’s no joke, but once you get the rhythm, it becomes second nature. You learn to make it work or burn out trying.

How We Built New Lives

We each built a life independently before crossing paths.

Daniel moved in with his boyfriend in El Cajon and started building a life in the East County suburbs. He found a solid job with Wells Fargo and met friends through going out and through military circles—they all had Navy connections one way or another.

Caleb didn’t get to choose where or how he lived—he was in the Navy. He didn’t have the freedom of building a life brick-by-brick like some do, but he forged deep friendships on the ship and really carved out his place in Navy life.

Will first moved into an apartment in Clairemont with a friend from South Dakota. That friend didn’t last long—he stayed inside all day and never left the apartment. Will eventually found a new roommate named Pat, started working at Play It Again Sports, and found his flow in SoCal. Piece by piece, the old life fell away, and something totally new took root.

Was It Worth It?

1000% yes. We never would have met if we hadn’t taken those leaps. And the timing? Couldn’t have been better. We all landed here between 2005 and 2007—when San Diego still felt like a sleepy beach town. It rained more back then, there were fewer people, and it didn’t feel like a mini LA like it does now.

What do we miss? Our families. The friends we left behind. How easy it was to pop over for holidays or family birthdays. The truth is, most people don’t visit—or don’t visit enough. But being gay means learning how to create your own family, and we’ve done exactly that here.

What’s Next? (Hint: Hawaii)

Most people don’t spend 20 years in SoCal and still thrive—but we did. And we’re ready for something new. We’ve all felt this pull to Hawaii—maybe it’s the slower pace, the ocean, the green, the culture, or maybe it’s all of it. We’re not jumping tomorrow, but the craving for fewer people, more space, and deeper peace is growing. We want to enjoy that while we still have the mobility to chase it.

But don’t worry—we’ll save that big shift for another blog.

Conclusion

Thinking about making a big move? Just do it. There will never be a perfect time, and it will never feel easy. But waiting only guarantees regret. You don’t want to be the one looking back 10 or 20 years from now wondering what would’ve happened if you had just taken the leap.

Your home state isn’t going anywhere—and sometimes stepping away is what helps you grow. Whether it’s your finances, your mental health, or just your happiness, there’s something powerful about starting fresh.

Go where your heart and the universe pull you. Will had four cities on a napkin, and San Diego was the only one that stuck. It wasn’t the most logical choice—but it was the right one. Sometimes you just have to let go, lean in, and let life unfold.

Have you ever made a major move? Let’s swap stories!

Life Lately: From Gardens to Book Deadlines

Really can't believe it's been a week since the last blog post—life really starts to fly when you get back into it. We’ve finally got the garden fully planted and went all out with four types of pumpkins. Hope the neighbors are ready for the fall giveaway again! This year’s lineup: radishes, peppers, jalapeños, onions, watermelon, potatoes, corn, beans, tomatoes, strawberries, blackberries, and a bunch of herbs. Basically, we’re running a mini farm with our chickens and Herbert our tortoise.

Planning mode is officially back for this summer’s Out at the Fair® stops. Fingers crossed people can keep things civil—not just for us working these events, but for everyone celebrating Pride across the country. Let’s put the hate on the back burner and start focusing on something that really matters: the literal dumpster fire that is our climate.

Book update: it's coming along GREAT! We’re officially pushing the release date from May to early June. The editing process is no joke, and this upcoming round will be version 5. Once we finish this pass, a couple of friends are going to read it and give us their feedback before we make it available to the world. Every time we post about it on IG now, Will gets nervous—don’t ask why. 😂

Anyway, have a great week and hopefully we’ll be back soon with Will’s birthday blog. He definitely rolled his eyes when it didn’t make the cut this week. Haha.

3Dudes1Life