Post 11: How People React When They Find Out We’re in a Throuple
- DCW
- May 15
- 6 min read
Introduction
One of the most common things we get asked is, “What do people say when they find out?” It’s not really even a question—it’s more like disbelief, like they’ve never heard of poly relationships before or don’t believe they’re real unless they’ve been on TLC lately. Most people react as if it’s some sort of joke. That is, until we mention it’s been nearly a decade. Cue the wide eyes and mental rewiring.
The most common response is a confused face and an awkward, “Oh… okay. Never heard of that before.” But the most memorable? Easy. One time, we went on The Price is Right as a throuple. We’d all been separately as a couple before, but this time it was all three of us. Drew Carey asked if we were brothers (classic), and when we explained that we were actually a throuple, he didn’t know what it was. Explaining our relationship in the middle of a live taping was both hilarious and kind of iconic. Some other contestants even jumped in to help explain it to him. Educational commercial break, anyone?
The Overly Curious Questions
Let’s talk about the questions. They come in hot and fast, and they’re always the same. “Wait, how does that even work?” Um… like a regular relationship, just with three people. “Do you all sleep in the same bed?” Nope. Daniel and Caleb run hotter than the sun, so Daniel has his own room, and Caleb and Will share a California king. Bonus: it makes cuddle time feel intentional now. “Who’s the favorite?” Easy. The dogs. Rigsby and Zoey. But for real, no one is the favorite—we all have unique bonds with each other and honestly, that’s what makes it work.
The Supportive & Excited Reactions
Thankfully, as we’ve gotten older, reactions have shifted more toward support and excitement. Some friends think it’s the coolest thing ever—and you know what? That support means a lot. We’ve noticed the older we get, the less people seem to care, and it’s been a great thing for our relationship.
Then there’s the classic: “I could NEVER do that, but that’s awesome for you!” The irony is that some of those same people are also the first in line for a threesome. Just saying. And then there are the rare but golden moments when someone says, “I’m in a throuple too!” We’ve made some amazing connections with other throuples online—some we still talk to, others have split up, and a few are finding their way again. We’ve only met one in person, but the internet throuple fam is real.
The Judgmental & Confused Reactions
Of course, not everyone gets it. Some people hit us with, “That’s not real love,” or “I could never love more than one person.” We usually just raise our eyebrows at that one. Really? So you only love one person in your life? Not your parents, siblings, friends, kids? That logic doesn’t hold up. Love isn’t a limited resource—it multiplies.
Then there’s, “So when are you guys going to grow up and settle down?” Um… what part of a mortgage, two dogs, full-time jobs, and planning our future doesn’t count as settled down? We’re pretty sure we’ve got the adulting thing covered.
And let’s not forget the good ol’ “It’s just a phase.” Honestly, we kinda thought that too in the beginning. Our first try with Daniel started when we were just friends, but something pulled us back together. It never felt wrong—it felt like home. And now, almost ten years later, it’s clear this “phase” might just be the most solid thing we’ve built.
The Family Factor
Explaining it to family was… well, awkward at times. But honestly, being gay kind of paved the way for the throuple conversation. We’d already pushed some boundaries, so what was one more? Surprisingly, our families took it better than some of our friends. This has us wondering—maybe it’s not disapproval. Maybe it’s jealousy. Either way, we’ve trimmed our circle and we’re better for it.
The funniest reactions usually come when relatives suddenly piece it together: big eyes, a dramatic pause, and a slow, “Oh… OH!” It’s comedy gold every time.
Work, Strangers & Random Encounters
As for work, some coworkers know, some don’t. We’ve touched on this before, but the short version is: if the relationship with a coworker feels safe enough, we’ll share. Otherwise, it’s not their business. Being gay can still hurt your career in some places—being in a throuple? That’s next-level risk.
When we travel or meet new people, things can get funny fast. Like in Costa Rica, when the dive instructor asked, “Like… kissing boyfriends?!” Yes, ma’am. Nine years and counting. At this point though, “boyfriend” feels outdated. “Partner” fits better—we’re building a life, not just dating.
We usually don’t bring up the throuple thing unless it comes up naturally, but when it does, the explanations are getting easier. Thanks to shows, social media, and a growing poly community, most people now at least kind of get it.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, people’s reactions say way more about them than they do about us. We’re secure in who we are and what we’ve built. If we’d cared what others thought, we wouldn’t have made it past year one—let alone almost ten.
So… would you ever be in a throuple? Or what’s the weirdest reaction you’ve gotten to your relationship? Drop it in the comments—we love hearing other people’s stories!
Life Lately: Sunshine, Stains & Troll Patrol
The speed of the days is really starting to move faster the closer we get to summer. The last couple of weekends have been crappy weather for outside work but have been amazing for us to focus on the book. One weekend it’s 57 degrees, mostly cloudy and rainy, and the next it’s 101 degrees and blazing sun. Last weekend we couldn’t stand another full 48 hours inside, so we tackled some house projects. Our brick pillars out back are officially painted white and we knocked out staining about half the wood that needed it. If anything, it was a good warm-up for fair season—because working outside in 101 degrees really reminds you how real it’s about to get.
Speaking of fair season… we’re knee-deep in planning and juggling eight locations at once. Our first event hits this Friday in Contra Costa, and then we launch into Pride Month on May 31 with DEV in Stockton. Time to get in the groove and power through summer. Losing a few locations means our season will end in August instead of September, but honestly? We’re okay with it. It might finally give us a chance to enjoy the pool with the neighbors. Also—fun fact—you know it’s May when the internet trolls start thawing out. Every morning this week we’ve started the day by deleting a flood of negativity and homophobic nonsense on our ads. People really need to get a hobby. Who someone sleeps with is not going to fix the fact the planet is on fire. Priorities, people.
But at least all this sunshine finally kicked our garden into gear! The pumpkins are finally taking off, the flower beds are blooming, and even the corn is sprouting. Our potatoes are officially flowering, which means we’re getting close to harvesting. Crazy how a cold spring sets everything behind, but if the sun keeps doing its job, we’ll catch up. Fingers crossed we beat the heat.
And while we juggle the garden, house, and summer planning, we’ve also got to sneak in a few birthdays. Will’s is next week and just so happens to bump right into the holiday weekend. No set plans yet—he said all he wants is a good dinner with his guys and a chill day. After 15 years of DJ birthday chaos with 500 of his “closest” friends, he’s earned the right to keep it low-key (though an ice cream cake is always non-negotiable). We’ll report back in the next blog with what we actually end up doing.
As for the Tres Amigos, Una Vida update—we’re so close! It’s over 55,000 words and really turning into a beautiful adventure. Right now we’re finishing up the ebook and print formatting and hoping to hit upload for digital this weekend. If everything goes to plan, it’ll be out to the public in just a few weeks. If you haven't followed the IG for updates, please do! @TresAmigosUnaVida
Hope everyone has a wonderful week and an even better holiday weekend. We’ll be back with another blog after Memorial Day. Our goal is three strong posts a month—and if we sneak in a fourth, it’s just extra sparkle.
🌈 Have a great one! —DCW
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